Could you briefly explain what you do—what is mediation?
Mediation is a specialized conflict resolution process. It does not seek to determine who is right, who is at fault, or who is more skillful or intelligent; rather, it focuses on how to navigate a tense situation so that, in the end, everyone feels better and the parties remain on good terms.
When and why did you start becoming interested in this field?
I’ve spent my whole life doing this. Even as an educator, my focus is not simply on delivering the curriculum, but rather on people, human connection, family systems, the potential for partnership between the school and parents, and, more generally, on how we can move forward by turning toward one another.
What did you have to learn, how did you prepare for the job?
Dispute resolution in practice. The coursework consisted almost exclusively of practical sessions, supplemented by some legal background material. My 20 years of professional experience have constituted a significant learning journey, as has all the self-discovery work I’ve invested in the process. In these fields, burnout can only be prevented through continuous learning and professional development, as this inevitably entails an ongoing process of self-reflection. Currently, I’m studying at the university to become an addiction counselor.
In general, why would you say family mediation is needed?
Because people want to win, rather than cooperate. There is a lack of self-awareness, and an abundance of rigid patterns, mind games, and dependencies. Staying together is not an absolute necessity, nor is it required to resort to the usual, habitual tactics. Instead, you need to talk—openly, and with a genuine focus on one another. You don’t always have to be on good terms; arguments and disagreements are not inherently bad—in fact, they can be useful and constructive, provided they are handled skillfully and within certain boundaries. It is okay to feel anger, but there is a line that must never be crossed.
Based on your experience, what tends to cause serious conflict within a family, and for what reasons do people most frequently turn to you?
Differing needs, one’s upbringing, and the fact that people often do not truly know themselves—they may have ideas about what they want from life, but these are frequently just images they feel compelled to live up to, which do not actually make them happy. Denial, deflection, and playing games can keep a relationship alive for a long time. This, too, is a comfort zone—and people generally do not like to step out of it.
Do families today have a greater need for a mediator’s help than in previous decades?
No. It’s just that there are more options now. And people do take advantage of them—but without much thought, so they end up in the same situation time and again. Actually, maybe the answer is yes… People need to learn how to speak and how to listen. A mediator creates equality.
Have you ever encountered a case that seemed unsolvable at first? Did you manage to solve it in the end?
Yes, and yes. The first joint mediation session is often so charged with intense emotions and grievances that even I find myself thinking nothing will come of it. Then, the few weeks between sessions pass—a time during which the participants process what they have experienced and heard, whether it be new information or old points viewed through a different, reframed perspective. They calm down; they begin to listen. Silence is necessary, as is that period of a few days or weeks without interaction. It is more difficult for those who live together, as they lack the time to reflect calmly and in solitude.
All things considered, why would you recommend meditation to people?
Because they are able to truly listen to one another again, and they also pay attention to themselves. There are many „aha!” moments—surprisingly many. A mediator is objective and impartial; they do not project their own personal experiences into the situation, as a friend might. They remain equally open toward everyone, which, in turn, encourages the parties involved to open up as well. They introduce new perspectives and help break free from ingrained responses and reactions. They offer a chance. Things will definitely be better afterward—one way or another, they will be better.
What can families do to prevent serious conflicts in time?
Come to me, we’ll talk, and then they can talk to each other 🙂